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Friday, September 14, 2012

Trust




Trust
I really never knew I had trust issues, or maybe just didn't pay close attention to the idea that I did, and do, have a problem trusting. Trusting myself, trusting others, trusting circumstances. Then my Higher Self got my attention on this issue by breaking the connection my well pump had with it's source of power and presto! I forced myself to stop and pay attention to several things, not the least was this matter of trusting.

So, on a gorgous Fall morning while the sun was bright and the air crisp and workers were busy building my raised garden beds, I discovered that my washing machine wouldn't finish it's washing cycle and while pondering whether or not I was going to have to dig into the till to buy another washing machine or have this one repaired, my mind zipped back to the day before when I felt a "visit" from my late ex husband. Many syncs occured that morning that I don't think need to be elaborated on that did bring memories of him to the surface, so I call it a "visit, or a pop in." Alvin, being an electrician is important to this story as I will explain. When the washing machine stopped working and I began to remember Alvin and his profession, I knew that I had an electrical problem on my hands and began to wonder what kind of electrical problem? Then when I turned on the water faucet to wash my hands I knew my well pump had stopped working and that it was indeed an electrical problem. I had a bit of doubt at first in my own conclusion about this and so this was my first trigger about TRUST.

I decided to call the only electrician I know now, Alvin of course being gone, and phoned the man who used to work for him. Ronnie Davidson recommended someone that he said would find the problem right away and so I phoned Hudson Pump Company and spoke with a man who sounded older and very friendly, who came out right away to look at my well and assess my problem. Another sync to this situation was that this man, in the past, had called on Alvin numerous times to do wiring for him and he liked him a lot and told some funny stories about his experiences with Alvin, and so did the man who was with him helping out. Another attention getter and trigger for me. And even though I didn't know these two men personally and only had Ronnie's recommendation, I had a choice to make. I could either pace around wringing my hands wondering if I was going to get ripped off and not get my pump repaired and if it was going to be somthing major, or I could let go of that fear and TRUST these two men to treat me fairly and find a problem that would be simple to fix. I chose the latter. So the next morning when I was going to have to go to Tennessee to babysit my Grandaughter Veronica, I was going to have to stay home and get this problem sorted because they were going to have to bring in their big truck to pull my well pump out and find a broken wire that they said was the issue.

So for the rest of the evening and next morning I was in a quandry about why in the world I had manifested this right now at this time when I had to take care of so much at once. I knew I was going to have to stay home until this was finished because who was I going to TRUST to accomplish this task in my absense?

Now, besides the attention and the focus on TRUST, there is a much deeper lesson that I had to teach myself. I compare the water/well pump to the heart. Because the heart is a pump. Physically and on the surface one can see the analogy. Well pumps, pump water, hearts , pump blood. That might be the end of it and you could scratch your head all day wondering "what kind of lesson is this and what is she talking about?" But going deeper to more spiritual meanings, I can tell you that I brought my attention to my "spiritual heart" using the physical pump from the well and its broken connection from its power source to teach me that TRUST broken or not realized will block the flow of love going outward from the "spiritual heart" every time!

And so I must deal with my issues of TRUST. I must learn that by allowing others to live and learn and make choices that they make, trusting that they alone know what is best for them, will begin to heal my own trust issues. Because when I don't trust, I am placing a judgement on another persons' choice and I am saying either that is or is not a good choice. It's neither for me. It's neutral if I stop to think about it. The judgement being mine is unfair to them. If I place, for instance, a belief that a choice someone else makes is bad, then how is it possible for me to let the love toward that person continue to flow? It's something quiet profound to think about isn't it? I don't know about anyone else, but for me it seems to have always been true. If I place a judgement on another person's choices and if their choice does not reflect my own values then I set myself up for disappointment in them, or anger toward them, just a lot of stuff that can block me from freely giving them an unconditional flow of love from my "spiritual heart pump." Likewise, If there is something that I have done in my past, a choice that I have made that today in the now, brings a lot of guilt with it, then how can love for myself flow freely?

Many things can block the flow of love, both outward and inward toward yourself. I used the incident of my broken well pump connection to bring my attention to myself and healing my own trust issues so that I can more freely connect with my own power source, either the Universe or my Higher Self who waits patiently to love me uncontitionally while I learn these lessons in this life. The well pump was fixed quickly and fairly easily, and it may take some consentrated effort, but I believe that the hardest part of healing my issues of trusting is past simply by being aware that I had a problem.

10 comments:

  1. Acknowleding the problem is half the journey...you're on your way. Wish I could handle my trust issues this well.

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    1. Trusting without being naive is hard Linda. I guesed that the trust that I'm needing is not so much trusting blindly but trusting to allow others to make their own decisions. And trusting that i am my own best council.

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  2. Okay where's the edit button...big typo...LOL

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  3. Dear Sheila, I would love to read this, but the text blends into the beautiful background.....wait. I could mouse over it and get a dark blue background. Beautiful insights and much food for thought.

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  4. PS. weird. After I posted the comment the blog appeared on top of the pale blue background.

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    1. Glad you were able to read it Ien. It doesn't do that from my end here Maybe it was slow loading the page.

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  5. I had no problems reading it either She....Trust, now that is an interesting concept...trust to do what I wonder?

    Is this not just a term for how we relate to the people and things in our life, a sort of ongoing calculation about safety and risk that fluctuates in the dynamics of day to day interactions with those we know well and those we don't?

    In my world She I think trust is developed rather than given, whether or how much I can trust someone (because for me trust comes in degrees) depends upon what's at stake and what value I place upon any given outcome.

    Its a complex phenomenon this trust business I think, but the first recipient has to be ourselves and for that to happen we have to not feel under pressure because, that causes uncertainty and confusion that gets in the way of the free flow of love you refer to.

    Well that's my take on it anyway for what its worth She.

    Have a good week ahead She ;-)

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    1. be ourselves and for that to happen we have to not feel under pressure because, that causes uncertainty and confusion that gets in the way of the free flow of love you refer to.

      Yes exactly. And the trust I am talking about mostly to make is simple I guess, is trust of my own instincts, trust that others can make their own choices without my input and will turn out just the way its supposed to and trust that when I let something go its no longer my business lol.

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  6. Now the guestbook...I know I've got one by trial and error but I'll try to talk you through it She as I recall the process.

    First go to Dashboard and then to Pages and make a new page called "guestbook".

    You then have to go to Layout

    I think....its difficult for me because when I did it first it was on the Dynamic page format and it didn't work.
    So I changed to a more basic format and what I had been trying to achieve i.e. a guestbook at the top of my contents list ....to my surprise was there.

    I hope this helps you to find a way to having a guestbook, if you are struggling with it I'll try to work through it with you. Good luck :-)

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    1. Thank you so much Aaran. I will try to muddle through that and get my own guestbook. :-)

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