Friday, September 14, 2012
I really never knew I had trust issues, or maybe just didn't pay close attention to the idea that I did, and do, have a problem trusting. Trusting myself, trusting others, trusting circumstances. Then my Higher Self got my attention on this issue by breaking the connection my well pump had with it's source of power and presto! I forced myself to stop and pay attention to several things, not the least was this matter of trusting.
So, on a gorgous Fall morning while the sun was bright and the air crisp and workers were busy building my raised garden beds, I discovered that my washing machine wouldn't finish it's washing cycle and while pondering whether or not I was going to have to dig into the till to buy another washing machine or have this one repaired, my mind zipped back to the day before when I felt a "visit" from my late ex husband. Many syncs occured that morning that I don't think need to be elaborated on that did bring memories of him to the surface, so I call it a "visit, or a pop in." Alvin, being an electrician is important to this story as I will explain. When the washing machine stopped working and I began to remember Alvin and his profession, I knew that I had an electrical problem on my hands and began to wonder what kind of electrical problem? Then when I turned on the water faucet to wash my hands I knew my well pump had stopped working and that it was indeed an electrical problem. I had a bit of doubt at first in my own conclusion about this and so this was my first trigger about TRUST.
I decided to call the only electrician I know now, Alvin of course being gone, and phoned the man who used to work for him. Ronnie Davidson recommended someone that he said would find the problem right away and so I phoned Hudson Pump Company and spoke with a man who sounded older and very friendly, who came out right away to look at my well and assess my problem. Another sync to this situation was that this man, in the past, had called on Alvin numerous times to do wiring for him and he liked him a lot and told some funny stories about his experiences with Alvin, and so did the man who was with him helping out. Another attention getter and trigger for me. And even though I didn't know these two men personally and only had Ronnie's recommendation, I had a choice to make. I could either pace around wringing my hands wondering if I was going to get ripped off and not get my pump repaired and if it was going to be somthing major, or I could let go of that fear and TRUST these two men to treat me fairly and find a problem that would be simple to fix. I chose the latter. So the next morning when I was going to have to go to Tennessee to babysit my Grandaughter Veronica, I was going to have to stay home and get this problem sorted because they were going to have to bring in their big truck to pull my well pump out and find a broken wire that they said was the issue.
So for the rest of the evening and next morning I was in a quandry about why in the world I had manifested this right now at this time when I had to take care of so much at once. I knew I was going to have to stay home until this was finished because who was I going to TRUST to accomplish this task in my absense?
Now, besides the attention and the focus on TRUST, there is a much deeper lesson that I had to teach myself. I compare the water/well pump to the heart. Because the heart is a pump. Physically and on the surface one can see the analogy. Well pumps, pump water, hearts , pump blood. That might be the end of it and you could scratch your head all day wondering "what kind of lesson is this and what is she talking about?" But going deeper to more spiritual meanings, I can tell you that I brought my attention to my "spiritual heart" using the physical pump from the well and its broken connection from its power source to teach me that TRUST broken or not realized will block the flow of love going outward from the "spiritual heart" every time!
And so I must deal with my issues of TRUST. I must learn that by allowing others to live and learn and make choices that they make, trusting that they alone know what is best for them, will begin to heal my own trust issues. Because when I don't trust, I am placing a judgement on another persons' choice and I am saying either that is or is not a good choice. It's neither for me. It's neutral if I stop to think about it. The judgement being mine is unfair to them. If I place, for instance, a belief that a choice someone else makes is bad, then how is it possible for me to let the love toward that person continue to flow? It's something quiet profound to think about isn't it? I don't know about anyone else, but for me it seems to have always been true. If I place a judgement on another person's choices and if their choice does not reflect my own values then I set myself up for disappointment in them, or anger toward them, just a lot of stuff that can block me from freely giving them an unconditional flow of love from my "spiritual heart pump." Likewise, If there is something that I have done in my past, a choice that I have made that today in the now, brings a lot of guilt with it, then how can love for myself flow freely?
Many things can block the flow of love, both outward and inward toward yourself. I used the incident of my broken well pump connection to bring my attention to myself and healing my own trust issues so that I can more freely connect with my own power source, either the Universe or my Higher Self who waits patiently to love me uncontitionally while I learn these lessons in this life. The well pump was fixed quickly and fairly easily, and it may take some consentrated effort, but I believe that the hardest part of healing my issues of trusting is past simply by being aware that I had a problem.