Sunday, January 27, 2013
When I write something that I feel is very cool, or very wise (in my mind) and there is even one single comment that disagrees with my idea or my belief I am triggered to push back or am triggered to angry sulking. I had to ask myself why? Then I had a quick zip back to a time when I was very young and wanting to fit in with my friends. Wanted to be accepted, admired, liked, validated! I remember standing in a small group of friends or sitting at a table, listening to things they would be saying and wanting desperately to be heard. I knew if I could just say something profound I would be validated and I would feel wonderfully accepted. But alas, it was not to be. My ego or my self that was living that experience would be rebuffed, plummeted with laughter or looks of upturned lips in a sneer and my ideas diminished. I could never be heard. This was the experience my ego was living...an experience of feeling invisible. Diminished.
As the adult me, I found the internet and social networking. I could at last put my self taught skill of writing to work to gain my ego the acceptable recognition it believed it deserved. At last, slowly and solidly, I found my ideas acceptable to a wide range of communities. People began to flock to my cyber side to cheer me on, to give me their applause and to laud my so called wisdom. My ego was surviving and flourishing. Wow, what a warm and fuzzy feeling I was giving myself.
Then it began to dawn on me when someone would disagree with even small points of interest, that my ego was feeling itself bruised during those moments and as I said before, would either push back with snippy remarks, designed to put the disagreeable individual on the defensive and do the same thing that I felt was being done to me or just totally ignoring them in a sulky mood altogether. With this action I was insulating myself from those hurt and insignificant feelings of my childhood.
The most important thing to me now in this phase of my life is to let go of this heavy baggage and rise to the occasion of complete and total shifting into the new world that we all desire to move into.
It's very hard for me to admit this to myself, much less everyone else that knows me. But it's important to be helping each other to understand and to remember ourselves, who we really are. All of us are small bits of Source, living life's experiences and reporting that knowlege back to Source, enriching it. So that makes us all VERY significant, regardless, or because of our physical experiences. Since we are all connected, I'm almost sure we have all had this same kind of thing at times, and if we can help one another to feel safe enough to share, then isn't that a step in the right direction?
I don't know anything else to add at this time except to say that when I came to this epiphany, it felt damn good! I even had tears in my eyes.
Love and peace to you all, my friends. :-))
Wednesday, January 16, 2013
A re-post and still relevant to me.
Today I spent some time here, like while I was having coffee, then alternately, lots of time outdoors. The sun was lovely and the temperature was fantastic. I cleaned out some messy flower beds, moved some stuff around and even put up a porch swing all on my own. No plan had formed in my thinking about what chores might need tending to, I was just going on whim, whatever struck me to do at the moment. Then when I tried out the porch swing I began to get these ideas. They came from the joy I experienced when I looked around me and as far as I could see there was nothing but peace and quiet. The bright sun, the cloud lined blue sky, the tiny buds bursting from the sleeping trees, the daffodils waving their fragrant trumpets my way, all conspired together to shout out to me, "hey look here at this wonderful world right before your hungry eyes."
I began to recall all the news stories I had watched on my television over the past couple of months. The unrest in the Middle East, the political upheaval here in our own country, the death of a little girl in our hometown that shook a community to its core. And now the latest disaster in Japan bombards us with news, pictures, videos. All to inform us of what goes on outside our own back yards. Our reality. The reality we individually experience is like the reality of no other person. It is ours, we own it. We create it.
I loved experiencing my world of tranquility. I loved hearing the birds sing, the distant dog bark, a lone automobile crunching the pavement with rubber feet as it whizzed by my house.
What am I to make then of the chaos that is apparent in the world that comes to me via my tv set and my computer? I don't have a stone heart that makes it possible to not care for the trouble others are having. I get just as excited over seeing Egypt win their battle against a dictator as I feel the fear of the people of Japan. But it does not touch me. I still get up in the morning, I drink my coffee, I talk with my Grandarling, or I call my daughters or chat with friends online, I still go to my job, I still eat when and what I want, I still lie down at night in my warm, soft bed and I feel safe.
Appreciatively, when I fix my gaze all around my world I see no war, I feel no earthquake and I hear no gunfire! What is this all about then? That old saying comes into my head. "If a tree falls in the forest and no one is there to hear does it make a sound?" If I did not see the conflict in Egypt and Libya on my TV and computer, if I didn't see the earthquake happening in Japan would it still be happening? Of course I believe it would. I believe collectively the people in these events right now are experiencing them but I am not. I am an observer of their turmoil and their grief and triumphs. And I can choose how I will experience it with them. I can lend my energy of peace and love to their situations or I can be terrified and dreadful that the same things are coming to rock my world to its knees. I can be excited when I see the acts of bravery and kindness they show to one another and rejoice and be hopeful for their recovery or I can stockpile supplies and guns and whatever else for my own protection when the disaster hits my paradise. It's all my own choices how I deal or experience the drama the unfolds in the lives of others. And that is powerful.
There is so much we can learn as observers in these events. I see and remember how the Egyptians conducted themselves during their protest. They lost their fear, they co-operated in a monumental way with each other, they showed love and acceptance when the Christians in Egypt protected the Muslims during their prayers and then the Muslims protected the Christians during a memorial service. In Japan there are stories of tremendous courage and grace under pressure. There was one instance when a group of people were picking up fallen goods in a grocery store and re stacking them neatly on the shelves and then stood in line waiting to buy the same food they had just helped to pick up. And 83 year old woman pedaled her bicycle to safety from the Tsunami. A baby was miraculously found. The stories are endless. I am also struck by how the news media is over-blowing some of the dangers but the people who actually are living there are reporting something quiet different. Once again...individual realities differ greatly! I can't get away from that truth.
I don't know where else to go with this. I will simply end by stating I think I'm beginning to understand that will a bit of belief in ourselves....we can create anything. If I have made my world peaceful...how can it be so for others? And how can I keep it that way, or will I even want to?
I have a friend who has been out of work for three years. She has been looking diligently for jobs anywhere she can find to look. Today she interviewed with a company that she believed would be a good place to work. According to my friend the interview went without a hitch. The interviewer and she seemed to "click." As she walked away at the end of the interview, she turned and said to the lady who would be influencing whether she would be hired or not and said, "It will be a pleasure working with you." Her statement was met with a quizzical stare. When she had been home but a few hours she got a call to inform her she got the job. My friend had confidence in herself and it created a magical experience. I'm sure she was more than qualified for the position. But many job seekers are qualified. I think the magic was her confidence, exhibited by her departing statement.
I'm simply attempting to explain that it's time we looked around us and see what we may have individually or collectively created and try to understand why and how we can go about changing it if we no longer feel it's necessary or simply because we don't like it that way anymore.