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Sunday, January 27, 2013

Why Triggers Are Important

When I write something that I feel is very cool, or very wise (in my mind) and there is even one single comment that disagrees with my idea or my belief I am triggered to push back or am triggered to angry sulking. I had to ask myself why? Then I had a quick zip back to a time when I was very young and wanting to fit in with my friends. Wanted to be accepted, admired, liked, validated! I remember standing in a small group of friends or sitting at a table, listening to things they would be saying and wanting desperately to be heard. I knew if I could just say something profound I would be validated and I would feel wonderfully accepted. But alas, it was not to be. My ego or my self that was living that experience would be rebuffed, plummeted with laughter or looks of upturned lips in a sneer and my ideas diminished. I could never be heard. This was the experience my ego was experience of feeling invisible. Diminished.
As the adult me, I found the internet and social networking. I could at last put my self taught skill of writing to work to gain my ego the acceptable recognition it believed it deserved. At last, slowly and solidly, I found my ideas acceptable to a wide range of communities. People began to flock to my cyber side to cheer me on, to give me their applause and to laud my so called wisdom. My ego was surviving and flourishing. Wow, what a warm and fuzzy feeling I was giving myself.
Then it began to dawn on me when someone would disagree with even small points of interest, that my ego was feeling itself bruised during those moments and as I said before, would either push back with snippy remarks, designed to put the disagreeable individual on the defensive and do the same thing that I felt was being done to me or just totally ignoring them in a sulky mood altogether. With this action I was insulating myself from those hurt and insignificant feelings of my childhood.
The most important thing to me now in this phase of my life is to let go of this heavy baggage and rise to the occasion of complete and total shifting into the new world that we all desire to move into.
It's very hard for me to admit this to myself, much less everyone else that knows me. But it's important to be helping each other to understand and to remember ourselves, who we really are. All of us are small bits of Source, living life's experiences and reporting that knowlege back to Source, enriching it. So that makes us all VERY significant, regardless, or because of our physical experiences. Since we are all connected, I'm almost sure we have all had this same kind of thing at times, and if we can help one another to feel safe enough to share, then isn't that a step in the right direction?
I don't know anything else to add at this time except to say that when I came to this epiphany, it felt damn good! I even had tears in my eyes.

Love and peace to you all, my friends. :-))


  1. It's a wonderful truism that the only person that we can really know is ourselves, Sheila I think we all seek acceptance or we wouldn't be online. We all carry those scars from our youth; the difference is you recognize it. I can relate to a lot of your writing here. Thanks for this wonderful post.

  2. Good for you, Sheila! I feel you share a lot, so to read your feelings about not being validated is a little surprising (to me). Maybe I've taken a look at my own communication processes and balance where, between that and my experience, I have learned to shrug off the feelings of inadequacy or whatever it is that can bring me low.

    I understand what you mean about how it can make you feel, and I honor that in you and anyone else who struggles with it. I suppose it can be part of the ego, or some other spirit-zapping aspect of what makes us who we are. Maybe part of it is the choice we make, to pay attention to it or not--to permit the knowledge that we "can" possibly do more to boost our own sense of esteem or empowerment. I hope that makes sense...? (((Hugs))) ~ Blessings!

  3. Thank you Doug. In writing this I was hoping it would do some good for all who struggle with these feelings. I do feel closer to you now and more connected, if that makes sense. Thank you for your kindness in commenting. :)

  4. Kathy, you make perfect sense. Every experience in life makes us who we are. I try to be transparent, but don't always have the nerve to go this far lol. I hope as I mentioned to Doug, that it helps the reader to examine their own baggage and to let it go. Peace. :-)

  5. Sometimes a belief in yourself and your own abilities will draw the people to you who really matter.

    Nearly 50 years ago I was this naive farm boy from South Dakota who had a dream of doing Shakespeare live on stage
    I was fortunate that no one said, "Get real ... grow up ... get a job" so I followed my dream, packed my kit bag and headed out for San Diego to make my dream come true at the Olde Globe Theater.

    No one told me I couldn't.

    Once in San Diego I found the Olde Globe stage entrance and boldly announced that I was there to go to work.

    There was great mirth as the stage manager introduced to the "rest of cast."

    After some eye rolling and fun poking, they decided to let me audition. These present for the audition were John Gielgud, Michael Redgrave and a guy by the name of Richard Burton. I took center stage and proceeded to do my best impersonation of Richard Burton doing "To be or not to be" from Hamlet (which I had worked on for years in the privacy of my room)

    At first there was this shocked silence as in "This kid has a lot of nerve, particularly with Burton sitting right here." But once they realized that it was mean to be a parody, they got into it in a big way with many shouts of "Bravo" all except Burton, who never cracked a smile.

    Finally when the others pressed him into reacting, he called the director over and said, "I've decided to change my plans, I won't be taking my holiday after all. I want to be certain I still have a job when I return."

    From that point on I was "one of the gang" and although I didn't have many lines, it didn't matter. I had achieved ny goal.

    I asked Burton one time if after all these years he ever blew a line. He said, "Hardly a time I go on stage that I don't, but you know, lad, if you are good enough no one will ever notice."

    I asked him, "How many years were you doing this before you no longer had "butterflies" before a performance?” He said, "I don't know ... I haven't been doing it long enough yet."

    The point of is that it doesn't matter if you are writing a poem or doing King Lear, do it for the sheer joy of it. Ignore the ambuscades when they come and welcome the accolades.

    "You can't please everyone, so just please yourself."

  6. Thank you for sharing your story Tim! How wonderful an experience. Yes, we must go after our dreams. Mine was to become an opera singer. Obviously, I didn't pursue it as wholeheartedly as you did yours, but I have followed others with very few regrets.