Sunday, January 27, 2013
Why Triggers Are Important
When I write something that I feel is very cool, or very wise (in my mind) and there is even one single comment that disagrees with my idea or my belief I am triggered to push back or am triggered to angry sulking. I had to ask myself why? Then I had a quick zip back to a time when I was very young and wanting to fit in with my friends. Wanted to be accepted, admired, liked, validated! I remember standing in a small group of friends or sitting at a table, listening to things they would be saying and wanting desperately to be heard. I knew if I could just say something profound I would be validated and I would feel wonderfully accepted. But alas, it was not to be. My ego or my self that was living that experience would be rebuffed, plummeted with laughter or looks of upturned lips in a sneer and my ideas diminished. I could never be heard. This was the experience my ego was living...an experience of feeling invisible. Diminished.
As the adult me, I found the internet and social networking. I could at last put my self taught skill of writing to work to gain my ego the acceptable recognition it believed it deserved. At last, slowly and solidly, I found my ideas acceptable to a wide range of communities. People began to flock to my cyber side to cheer me on, to give me their applause and to laud my so called wisdom. My ego was surviving and flourishing. Wow, what a warm and fuzzy feeling I was giving myself.
Then it began to dawn on me when someone would disagree with even small points of interest, that my ego was feeling itself bruised during those moments and as I said before, would either push back with snippy remarks, designed to put the disagreeable individual on the defensive and do the same thing that I felt was being done to me or just totally ignoring them in a sulky mood altogether. With this action I was insulating myself from those hurt and insignificant feelings of my childhood.
The most important thing to me now in this phase of my life is to let go of this heavy baggage and rise to the occasion of complete and total shifting into the new world that we all desire to move into.
It's very hard for me to admit this to myself, much less everyone else that knows me. But it's important to be helping each other to understand and to remember ourselves, who we really are. All of us are small bits of Source, living life's experiences and reporting that knowlege back to Source, enriching it. So that makes us all VERY significant, regardless, or because of our physical experiences. Since we are all connected, I'm almost sure we have all had this same kind of thing at times, and if we can help one another to feel safe enough to share, then isn't that a step in the right direction?
I don't know anything else to add at this time except to say that when I came to this epiphany, it felt damn good! I even had tears in my eyes.
Love and peace to you all, my friends. :-))